The LOVE Boat...where's Gopher?

Remember that show? Didn't you love it?  There REALLY is a lido deck, it always cracks me up when they mention something happening on the Lido Deck.

I wouldn't really compare our ship to the Love Boat...although,  there was a "Singles Seeking Healthy Relationship" group on the boat.  Yes, I did spy in on one of their meetings, but No, I didn't think it appropriate to ask for photos of their group. I know me thinking something was inappropriate doesn't happen often, so sit back and enjoy my moment of classiness!! 

Let's hit the highlights of our trip:

1st up- Me being a goofball (Southbeach in the background, or as I like to call it "the life I was meant to have").  Let me tell you it was WINDY this year.  I went back here and ran on the track one night.  When I ran up the right side it was ALL I could do to put 1 foot in front of the other, but when I got on the back side it was like someone put rocket fuel in my pants! The wind blew so hard I ran like I've never run before, I should have had the Mister take some video.

 Our room with balcony- if you ever go, GET THE BALCONY!  I ❤ to sit out there, drink coffee and listen to the ocean!!  I ❤❤❤ the water!!

kind of a sexy pose for a towel animal, don't ya think?...

 Deep fried rat?  

Nope, just a stuffed pepper.

1st stop: Grand Turk

Speedo, yes! and you are WELCOME!

2nd stop: a private island owned by Carnival Cruise lines...

Half Moon Cay.

I can't even begin to tell you how GORGEOUS it was! Pure white sand that was like baby powder, the most neon turquoise blue water I've ever seen...absolute paradise!  There weren't even shells in the water or on the beach, it was like sugar baby!!

If you get the chance to go, take it!!

The last place we went Nassau. I took several pictures but the files are huge and I don't know how to re size them for my blog...shocking, I know!  This is already so photo heavy I hope it didn't blow a nut on your computer or anything!

Last photos, taken just for you...

The man who sat next to me at karaoke, he, obviously, was in love with his own foot- he couldn't keep his hands off it!!

A sign as we were headed to the airport and by sign, I mean "a sign"...

 2 people obviously 

a: begging to show up on chinamommy, 

b: exhausted from resting all week!

 The sun is out here in Michigan, I gotta hurry and get outside before it starts to snow!

The trip is coming to an end...

Ok, here is the last of my trip...

I hope I'm not boring you with the last few days... There are no more cracks or hairy backs, no more beaded hair or rat trap snares, no more farts or tawdry tarts...

All I know is that I have to get this posted and move on.... literally as in, move on to something else here at home!  I did NOTHING yesterday... NOTHING!  I hate days like that!  I got dressed after chatting and emailing the day away and by that time I had to go pick up darling from school.  Maybe I need a job.  Here are my requirements:

-work 2 days per week

-work from 9 am to 3 pm

-make $80,000 a year

-nothing involving prostitution or general nudity

If you hear of something that might fit the bill, let me know!  

Ok, so the last couple days were really hard work on the cruise...

water slides:

blue water:

our room was the very back of the boat this year.  last year we were at the very front, I think they moved us to the back after the Captain looked out (from the glass room where they steer the boat) to see the Mister standing on our balcony in his boxer shorts!

Lobster Dinners:

Don't I look TALL standing next to our waiter?

Good Friends:

Shakin' our $ makers:

and...

making sure we know where our Xanax is for the flight home!!

It was a GREAT trip and I'm already ready for next year!!!  We're headed to 4 of the best beaches in the WORLD!!  whoo-hoo!

Ok, I gotta shut up and do something today!!

Have a great day and WELCOME NEW FOLLOWERS!!!

The Beautiful People...

If you haven't been on a cruise before let me show you why you need to call
CARNIVAL CRUISE
right now and book a trip...

(NO, Carnival doesn't pay me to say that, they should- don't ya think?!!).

1st up:

Fashion Whores are everywhere!

Camo viser, Hawaiian shirt, deck shoes- how appropriate!  I guess if there's anywhere you should wear deck shoes, it would be on the deck of a ship!! HA- I kill me!!

2nd:

Mullet Man!!

the LONG grey mullet accented with PURE white sneakers and his arm candy is the one suckin' down the Marlboro.
2nd:

lots of bootie!!!
Now, if you haven't grabbed your phone and called yet, let me assure you, it gets
BETTER!!
"The Hairy Man Contest"

mud flaps covered in hair = delish!
1st they sign up, then they dance down the steps in a most provocative way to the cheers of thousands!

then they pick a ladies name, get dressed in ladies clothes and try to charm a young hottie

Don't ya know this guy picked MY name...
You can't really see but this guys left boob was hanging out of his tube top... yep, just like me!
So now that you've seen all the goodness that Carnival has to offer... here's what we were doing:
The Mister was frying his right arm and shoulder while blocking out the Cha-Cha slide with his ear plugs

i was making everyone look at my sparkle rhinestone star boob

enjoying the drink-of-the-day with my rhinestone sparkle star boob

see my fancy tootsie's? My very 1st pedicure!
Hey Mel: No Asian woman, No molesting massage chair and 20 times the cost of one at home!

yes, I know I have NO baby toe nail...thankfully I live in Michigan where the flaw can hide 10 months out of the year in thick woolen socks!
Happy Tuesday... I'm still doing laundry!
Oh yeah- go wish my buddy CHRIS a very happy 20th wedding Anniversary today!
http://viewsbychris.blogspot.com/
TWENTY YEARS 1 man... go figure!

Home again, home again bumpity bump!

Yeah, that's right, I made it back- the plane didn't go down and I didn't get stuck in that oil in the Mississippi.

The Ole' Miss, The mighty Miss...

We got on the plane in our home town around 7 am

i was thrilled...clearly.

The Mister said we sat on the runway for an hour- how would I know? I took Xanex and snoozed the time away.

We flew into Cleveland and had 6 min to run to the opposite end of the airport to catch our flight to New Orleans.  The Mister thinks he's all in shape now.

The flight takes off, I'm calm, I took Xanex!

I'm in the potty washing my hands and over the speaker they announce we better sit down and buckle up because we're flying into a thunderstorm and we're probably all going to die after the plane throws us around for a while.  I'm pretty sure that's what they said, that's what I heard!

I calmly scream and run up the aisle to my seat.  I grab the hand of the stewardess and tell her I'm a freak and pretty much realize I'm going to die and could she just shoot me in the face to save me from embarrassing myself?

Next thing you know I'm in 1st class with enough leg room for Michael Jordan, snuggled under her (Barb the stewardess- who I was too traumatized to get a picture of...dang!) very own PRIVATE blankie sipping thousand dollar a glass champagne and eating baby fish eggs on golden crackers!  It was awesome and even more awesome...

I didn't die!

We got to our room at the JW Marriott in New Orleans and I took a 4 hour nap.  Drama wears me out!

New Orleans...

The King and I.

We ate delicious food (ever hear of Butter Fish?) that tore up my stomach (I'll save you the details), saw things I never want to see again (Bourbon St=cellulite booties in thongs and boobies-not nice big round plastic ones, more like the kind that look like an old knee high panty hose), went to the aquarium, met a lot of cool people (you know who you are!!), and were in a PARADE!

Yep, they totally closed down the roads for our group of 400+ and we paraded down Bourbon Street and threw beads at drunks...it was AWESOME!

On Saturday morning... Oh wait, I just checked and it was MONDAY morning that we got on the ship! I'm all screwed up...

Anyway, we loaded up on giant buses like rock stars minus the meth, and headed off to the ship!  We checked in and the next thing you know...

We were headed down the Miss... the Mighty Miss!

I'll be back tomorrow with some goodies... I took pictures just for YOU!!  You know how I love you all and even though I had my head in a bottle of run and was busy doing the electric slide, the cha-cha slide and the cupid shuffle... I thought of you!

Monday and I'm headed out to sea! Headed out to Sea...howWing00tost

What dedication I have to my blog... Seriously, I am patting myself on the back, because it's Wednesday night April 21st and I'm Pre-blogging for the week!

Hmmm, am I sick, narcissistic or just this exciting?

Last year my mom freaked out (you know you did Mom!)  and thought I said I'd call in TWO days when actually I said I'd call in a FEW days... We were leaving Key West and weren't going to have cell service till we got back into US waters, or something like that.  She somehow got a poor travel agent (probably 2 days on the job and late to pick her 6 kids up from daycare) to hook her up with a web-cam on my boat and kept her eye on me the WHOLE WEEK!  So what.., I was in the hot tub drunk and naked, I'm over 21!  Ok, so that's totally an exaggeration, it was my husband!

Ok, so none of that is true, but she DID say she logged onto some boat camera.  Now if my mother tracking me down on the high seas and spying on me isn't enough to get me to undergo plastic surgery and move out of a 2,000 mile radius, I don't know what is!

All I'm sayin' is: you might want to check it out for yourself, I'm headed to Cozumel on Carnival Triumph! I promise to wave every time I see the camera's (like I don't do that all the time anyway!).

This is from last year and I hope to be doing the same thing this time this year...

but with better hair and maybe a cuter shirt...

Adios, I'm headed to Cozumel!

Tune in tomorrow for an old post you may have missed...