Hey Lady where'd ya get that bird?

As i was sitting in my 16 year old Volvo the other day outside my daughters school, i began to wonder how long it would be before this car would embarrass her. I mean i love the beast, i think it's cool, it's vintage, it's the color of a tomato and has leather- what's NOT to love? Perhaps my parents thought the same of their hideous rides we were forced to be seen in as children. Now I'm not sure I have these in order, but let me give you the low down on some of the pieces of embarrassing crap we were forced to be seen in:

• Vega- the color of a school bus (literally the same orange/yellow!). Most vivid memory of this car- sitting in the hatchback with the neighbor girl while our moms picked blueberries. A stray dog came around the car & the neighbor girl pulled the hatchback down as my finger was on the little metal thingy that held the door up & split my finger! (just spend 15 min. on flickr trying to grab some pics, but still haven't figured out how to cut & paste a pic to my blog from the web on my mac... anyone? anyone?)
• Chevy Lemans- bright red, power seats & fins... I think it had fins, in my memory it does! My mom LOVED this car & was so proud that she paid CASH for it. It had white leather/pleather? seats that were power & was "quite a car in it's day" according to mom. My memory of it, i actually have 3. 1- being dropped off at school & all the kids making fun of it & how old it was, vintage was NOT cool back then! i remember just wanting to walk to school even during a downpour so i didn't have to withstand the humiliation. Memory 2- my mom's watch chain getting stuck in the horn & blowing that baby like a trumpet all the way home from downtown! Thankfully we didn't get behind a motorcycle gang! Memory 3- In it's later years that car started to chirp, chirp like a rooster not a parakeet! One day my mom was slowing down to take a corner & the car is screeching like we're choking an eagle & some guy yells "HEY LADY, WHERE'D YA GET YOUR BIRD?". At that moment i think my mom wanted to crawl in a hole, she lost all love for ol' red at that moment & soon it was sold for $300 i believe. My brothers could die now thinking of that "cool" car sold for a mere $300!
• Now i know i've mentioned our PIMP van before, but lets recap: Custom full sized Van (in the day before the now "glamorous" (cough, cough) "mini van".) White exterior with the words "BLUE JEANS" on the side!! Blue shag carpet, blue pleather seats with blue burlap fabric, blue dash, blue steering wheel, blue couch in the back.... yeah it was BLUE jeans all right & they didn't disappoint! My most vivid memory in this, thankfully is NOT eating a magic mushroom... We took this baby cross country to California (go back & look- i already posted this story) with 2 parents, 2 Grandparents, 3 kids & a plastic banjo! Yee-haw!
• Dad's blue truck. I always think of that line from the movies "Planes, trains, and automobiles" : "Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?" "yes, i do, yes, i do" This truck was beyond nasty! At one time in history it was blue (long before we were the lucky owners) but somehow was peeling in a way that left giant purple circles on it! Yep, paint that peeled in circles.... The sides of the truck bed were loose so my Dad just yanked 'em off & made it a flatbed. Now i'm sure you're picturing my dad at this point with a front tooth missing, a coon-skin cap, and bib overalls with one strap missing, but NO... he had a great job, a job that required a suit everyday! Don't ask me what his problem was... I had to ride with him in this piece of crap to school for early morning band practice (don't even get me started on BAND... marching band outfits are NOT made for 68 lb girls that aren't even close to being 5' tall! we'll discuss this later!). I would sit on the floor on the passenger side amongst the 15 basketballs. Yeah, he stored them on the floor because he was the girls BB coach. i was MORTIFIED! To those of you that had to park next to this piece of crap over at the Kalamazoo Country Club... I apologize for him!

Honestly, this is only the tip of the ice berg of mortifying things i had to experience as a child. My mom likes to call them "memories" and yes, yes they are!

Ok, let's end this with cuteness:

Darling Daughter & her baby: Teddy in a tu-tu

Tell me I'm not alone... did your parents drive a freak show? Go ahead, share, you're amongst friends!