Monday, February 28, 2011

A tale of a slutty zit....

So, I'm sitting here sweating a tiny bit, heart beating rapidly wondering WHAT in the world to blog about today.  The fact that I had a giant zit under my eye Saturday? A zit so big it kinda looked like I got punched in the face? (you are WELCOME for not taking a picture of it!).  A zit so big and sexy it went out behind the middle school, got itself knocked up and made a baby zit close by....i kid you NOT! Thankfully the bottom rim of my glasses hit in the perfect spot to somewhat disguise it.  I had a crop to go to Saturday and not only did I wear LOTS of eye makeup to encourage your eye to look AWAY from my baby mama zit

I made sure to wear this too...
Please refer back to Friday's post of how I will be living off this glory FOREVAHHHHHHhhhhh, who wants to slap the crap out of me already?
So, Saturday Darling and I went to a crop at my pal CheekyGreens  Darling had a new DS game and Cheeky had a chocolate fountain so that pretty much was a recipe for success.  Darling ate more sugar Saturday than she has since December when we were at Disney!  Did I take ANY pictures... NO!  I guess when I saw the 327 pictures I was SURE I was going to get scrapbooked (yeah, right) Saturday I was too fearful to take more. 
Let's get back to my zit, shall we?  I was quite sure this zit (and her baby) would be the ruination of me and my social standings so I went to work on packing her bag (and diaper bag) as quickly as possible!  Here's what worked for me:
1. Wash the 37 layers of concealer off with a hot wash cloth. I heard those Zino zit zappers use heat, so that was the reason for this. I'm sure it wasn't hot enough nor did it target the area...although the area was pretty stinkin BIG, but it made me feel better!
2. put several layers of "zit zapper" on baby and Mama.  I got it at Target and it's basically Witch Hazel.
3. take a q-tip dipped in rubbing alcohol and dab periodically throughout the day.
4. wear triple antibiotic cream covered by a Kai Lan band-aide to bed.
I'm no Dr. (although my dream was always to marry one), but this worked.  Big mama and her baby hit the road!
I'm telling you, I was so lucky as a teen, I don't even remember having a zit, but then....the 30's hit and WHOA!  I talked to my Dr. a few years back and she suggested microderm abrasion.  Most of us can't afford to do that EVERY week, but I found by using the one in a bottle by MaryKay has REALLY REALLY helped.
So here I was thinking I had nothing to blog about and now I've helped a nation!
You're welcome!  Now get out there and wash yo' FACE!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Send Erika Lee to Hong Kong!

Oh, lets all help this girl get to HONG KONG!!  
Ok, so the video did not hook up to my blog, go here and check it out!!
and check out her blog here:
Even if you can't help with $$$, spread the word, mockingbird!

Random Friday...

now showing on Saturday, 'cause what's more random than that?
1. Yesterday my darling girl didn't have school so we headed downtown to see this:
Yes, they are real bodies from China!!  I wish so bad I could have taken a few pictures but the armed guards were everywhere!  Google it if you're interested.  Most of the bodies were male, Darling said she could tell because of their faces, I could tell because of the penis, but hey... whatever!
2. With our tickets we got a "free" carousal ride...
this was my favorite horse:
3. This is what I got for Valentines Day.  As it was handed to me this sentiment was spoken:
"well, it's not as bad as a vacuum, right?"
He's a heart breaker, let me tell you!
It wasn't orchids, but I LOVE my morning coffee and I wanted one of these, so I was good!

4. Let's talk about me (duh!) and the fact that I placed in my age group at the 5k last weekend... who's going to be living off that glory for the next 25 years?!
Now let's talk about the fact I got a MEDAL yesterday in the mail with a note saying some of the times were off AND it said I was 2nd (NOT 3rd) in my age group!!
Hey, look at that hot air balloon overhead, oh wait, it's chinamommys giant ego floating over the west side of Michigan!!
I'll pretty much be wearing this everywhere I go from now on, or until the ribbon gets so dirty around my neck that I have to remove it before i get an infection.
Yes, that's me, right here behind my MEDAL!!!!!!

5. Have I ever mentioned I am the TRUE inventor of the Snuggie?
and Yes, that is an "orb" in the top right corner of my photo.  Could you call Ghost Hunters for me Mel?

6. Here I am dreaming of my New $95,000 Super Charged Range Rover (but in WHITE!).
I'm now on their mailing list... poor suckers!
Oh lookie there, my MEDAL!!

7.  I bought these birds at Michael's 40% off (cause I'm saving $$ for my Range Rover, Super Charged... in White)

8. Darling and I are going to a crop today (scrapbooking party).  I'm taking around 100 pictures, because I usually have my face in the chocolate fountain and get 4 pages done in 12 hours.  For you scrapbookers out there.... do you still do all those fancy pages or are you like me: just trying to get them down on paper?  I'm glad I have some pretty elaborate pages when Darling was a baby, but... since she is my ONLY child I have 99,437 pictures of her just in that 1st year!
Takes a narcissist to make a narcissist!

9. I like the simplicity of their shop name, I think it's says all it needs to:
(ok, i cut off the BE, but really, the shop name is ALL you need)

10 Have you seen these cases in Angela's shop:
Gingers Girl?...
Aren't they CUTE!!??
Ok, I'm off to shine my medal, then crop!!
Have a fabulous weekend!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Boom Boom lost some of her BOOM...

Yes, yes, i'm sick AGAIN!  Seriously, for my own health the Mister really should consider Maui!  With an average year ROUND temp of 78 degrees, chinamommy would be in HEAVEN!!  
Today I actually got dressed (it is NOT pretty) and....washed!  I know, I know, like you want to even imagine that, but you know how I am... it's all laid out on the table around here.  I don't think I even brushed my teeth until bedtime yesterday. I had on the same PJ's, socks and undies for 2 days straight, I even had on the same make-up from...?? I don't know, but it was whatever didn't wipe off on my pillow for at least 2 nights.  Febreze should have totally called me for their commercial-the one where they spray stuff that stinks but you can't wash it!  My nose was so plugged I told the Mister if someone put duct tape over my mouth I would surely die, he assured me he would NOT do that.  You know it's bad when you can't even use your neti pot!
by the way if you do NOT have one of, run now and get one!!
This has nothing to do with anything, but I'm sick so humor me....
Did anyone happen to catch Teen Jeopardy Tuesday night?  Did anyone else see that poor girl give the answer "Who is: Pussy Furry" instead of "Who is: Kitty Galore"? Did anyone else catch the teen boy standing next to her that SNORTED out loud?  We rewound the DVR several times and did a little snorting ourselves (not only do I have the hygiene of a 15 yr old boy, I also have his maturity!).  That poor girl... can you even imagine.  But then again, maybe I'm the only one that caught it?... 
Ok, I'm headed to the couch, this post has not only bored me to death, I'm exhausted!  To you new readers, I promise there is better stuff coming...
Boom out...

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Jiggly Jellie Soap...DON'T eat the SOAP!

"She drank up all the water, she ate up all the soap, she tried to eat the bathtub but it wouldn't fit down her throat...." 
I saw this jellie soap tutorial on: YouTube and had to share!!
 Jellie soaps kind of like the ones LUSH makes... 
shower-jellies by LUSH
(it is NOT the same as LUSH... but it's still fun and easy too!!)
Darling and I made this Monday during her day off/snow day 
(Dear Snow, you are NOT even funny anymore, please go AWAY! Love, chinamommy)
You need: 1 package of UNFLAVORED Knox gelatin (NO cherry, NO blue raspberry, NO orange), *3/4 cup of boiling water, food coloring, 1/2 C body wash (your choice, but I like the shimmer of caress and the fact it says "Cashmere Luxury"!), 1 tsp of iodized salt and a bowl to mix it in and something to use as a mold (a form, not the green fuzzy stuff on cheese!).  Also a spray bottle with rubbing alcohol is good (so is a glass of red wine, but that's to drink, it has NOTHING to do with the recipe!).
 Pour the gelatin in a bowl (yes that mouth is saying "oooooo, is this SUGAR?"
Pour 3/4 of boiling water in the gelatin and mix till it is ALL dissolved!
Then add 1/2 cup of your body wash, mix until it's all blended in.
 Add a drop (or 3) of food coloring, your choice!  Darling chose purple.  After the color is mixed in add the 1 tsp of (regular iodized) salt.  I noticed it took the shine out of my soap at this point...but once it set up it's pretty shimmery again. You can also add some glitter (made for soaps, not craft glitter as it tends to have sharp edges and who wants to explain to the Dr. that you let your kid use soap with sharp glitter in it cause you're all FANCY?!)
 I had my vintage jello tins all laid out but then remembered we had the heart molds, so we used those instead.  I think we'll do another batch and use the tins...
Now, see how bubbly it is?  This is where that little bottle of rubbing alcohol comes in to play! Spritz the bubbles and POOF.... 
 they're gone!!
If you're using a flexible mold like I did (this is from the $2.50 bin at Target), make sure you put the mold on a cookie sheet or something solid BEFORE you pour your soap in!!!   Lesson learned the hard way around here.... story of my life!  Once you have your soup in it's mold (and let me tell you, you can use a plain old glass dish then cut the slices like brownies... Mmmmm, brownies! Doesn't that sound good?) put it in the fridge overnight with a note that reads DO NOT EAT!  IF you live in Michigan, just put it in your garage because we're all lucky like that....Brrr/Grrr!
Let me know if you give this a try!!
**update: I wrote this "ACHOOO" post Monday 'cause I've felt like "ACHOOO", crap! But want to let you know, when we took these out of the mold yesterday they were NOT quite set up! I did another batch using 1/2 cup of water instead of 3/4 and then mixed that with the previous batch. Less water made them much firmer so if you try this, go with a little less water**
(I'm glad these are done just in time for me to resume my obsessive hand washing! I've been sick TWICE already this year and only once last year...ugh!)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I came, I ran, I dusted the hairy guy!!

Oh my, how funny was that "Put a bird on it" video yesterday?! Don't we artists think we're the boom-booms!?  Apparently "boom boom" is another word for poop and here I thought I knew them all... me with my PhD in "Potty Talk".  Darling has a snow day and has on some WEIRD cartoon called "Adventure Time"... Anyone? anyone?  Anyway, you know who else thinks they're the boom-booms?  RUNNERS, that's who!!  You know why?  We can wear tights for pants and it's ok!  Unlike the girl at Olive Garden Friday night.... I'll spare you the details...
 Yep, they're tights and yes, I'm wearing them for pants.. sue me!  No, don't, I only have $20.
Look at this group of studs, let me tell you, the sun was out but the heat was OFF!
do you see me??
 It's like "Where's Waldo?"... 
 what about now?
 See the guy in the white shirt?  He passed me and then kept spitting... I was like "I don't want a luggy on my jacket and I'm not letting this long hair dude beat me".... so I put him in my pipe and smoked him!
that's right, he's way behind me and I'm headed for the finish line now!!  I wanted to say to him "hey, you got smoked by a 42 year old chick", but I could see he was already ashamed... haha!
3.1 miles in 27 min. Not the time I was hoping for, but if you start off slow you can really knock some time off and look like a super stud!
To see how the rest of my day went, head over to my selfish mental twin sister's blog: go HERE
{Come back tomorrow to see how to make jelly soaps, SO easy!!}
OK... HOLD THE PHONE and SHUT UP!!  Guess who just found out she came in 3rd in her age group?!!??  I sure did!! My running buddy just called me with the GREAT news!  The 2nd place finisher beat me by only 1 1/2 min!! Oh, who thinks she is the boom-boom NOW? See that?... it's not a hot air balloon, it's my giant inflated HEAD!!! I wonder if David Letterman will want me to come on his show with my metal (that I hear I'm getting!!)??!! Oh my, I'm sick as a dog but I really want to go run an easy 20 just to show off!!
Ok, somebody slap me!

Friday, February 18, 2011

I'm late, I'm late for Random Friday.....

1. My Mister and my darling got me this garmin watch for my birthday- Yipppeeeee!!!!  

I had to return it, the manual was missing, they couldn't find it and it was their last one-Boooooooo!  We're going tonight to find another one...

2. this is one of the things my parents gave me!!!
an adorable pendant of my darling when she was about 18 months old.  I took this picture of her in our back yard holding her stuffed panda.  Oh, I miss those days...
If you want one of your own (with your own picture), check out the site where my mom got it:
My Mom knows this lady and boy, does she do a GREAT job!  My picture looks a tab blurry, but it's really CRYSTAL clear in real life.

3. This is what it took to get me out the door last night...

4. We went to eat at our favorite Japanese Steakhouse, the kind where they cook at your table.  I had prawn shrimp with egg yolk is beyond DELICIOUS!  Don't tell me what's in the egg yolk batter or if it could give me a heart attack... I eat it 3-4 times a year and want to enjoy it!
who's being a dork in this picture and I wonder where she got that from....?

5. I'm running a 5k in the morning, I'm nervous...not about the race but about what to wear.  Are people still wearing shorts over sweat pants with terry cloth sweatbands on their head and wrists?

6. I'm cutting Random Friday SHORT but making it so worth it by showing you what I MADE!!! If you knew my horrible sewing skills you'd be crying tears of joy like I am over this... I made it for our Master Bedroom and all without screaming, stomping, or throwing said project in the trash!!!  1 broken needle 1 inch (totally serious!!!) from the end, but at that point, I could NOT be stopped....
from this...
to this...

I LOVE it, it totally changes the look of our room!  I grabbed a few more goodies for the wall and am going to get this room in ship-shape!!
Ok, I'm over and out, I've got to go carb-load on some PASTA so I can run Faasta! Oh, who kills herself with hilarity? 
Think of me when that gun goes off at 8:30!!!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

It's my day....

Call me the Birthday Gal... but just don't call me late to dinner!  
Who's getting old?  
So today I am 42...FORTY TWO!  I just ran 2.5 miles and didn't die, I'm counting that as a victory.  I'm running a 5K this weekend, I hope I see the finish line.  I don't like to get old, not 1 tiny bit.  I'm going to put on my snood 
(to make sure my hair doesn't get wind blown, of course)
grab my shoes

 and head to goodwill in my model T 
and see if I can find some candle sticks and ugly bird figurines... isn't that what most of you do on your birthdays?  I'd sit home and wait for my white Range Rover to arrive, but last year I was sorely disappointed and told the Mister to just have them park it in the garage!
I've got my rascal loaded on the back,
My purse packed
and I'm ready to go.
I think while I'm in town I'll grab some fried mush and corned beef hash and wash it down with a decaf.  If I feel crazy I might grab a tab!
Geesh, I hope I'm ok to drive.... maybe I should hitch my wagon to my mule instead?
Don't send gifts, just send metamucil

If I make it another day have I got something CUTE to show you tomorrow!  Seriously, I squealed...OUT LOUD!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Princess Diana exhibit at GRAM.

GRAM, not as in my mother's mother, but as in: the Grand Rapids Art Museum!  Yep, the Princess Diana exhibit was in town and guess who got tickets before they ALL sold out?! ME!!  Not the guy with the bluetooth (or "chick magnet" as I like to call them... yeah, right!) who was frantically asking if we knew someone that wanted to sells theirs... I DO have that "ticket scalper look" don't I?
There was NO photography allowed, not even when I told them about my world famous blog, the fact my mother got up to watch the Royal Wedding at some crazy hour, or the fact that we do, in fact, like tea!  Nope, they were not budging!
I should have at least got a photo of my mom on her motorized scooter!!  She had foot surgery and is lugging around an 900 lb "boot" on her leg, boot as in: heavy-ugly-medical boot

 not  HOT-Victoria's Secret-Sexy-Boot!

I had nightmares of my mother running into the display of the wedding dress, 
cracking the case, getting the dress stuck on the wheels of her scooter and driving of 25 feet of the train around the museum.  I am more than happy to report, that did NOT happen, nor was anyone or anything hurt by her driving... only my pride.
The display was wonderful, although I sure do remember that dress being a LOT prettier in the 80's. 

  Although anyone that lived through the 80's knows better than to put "80's" and "pretty" in the same sentence!!
For the record, I never owned a pair of those....those...whatever those pants were called.  Nor did I own parachute pants.
I will confess to the asymmetrical hair cut, the sweaters down past my knees and rolling my jeans like the guys in the above picture... 
Dear God, thank you for ending the 80's!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine Day goodies...and the soap winner!

Not from me, I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off... so I'm linkin' ya up to some DIY cuties!
❤happy valentines day❤

Hope you have a wonderful DAY with someone you  love ❤ and yes, it CAN be your cat!!
I've got to get my 5K application in TODAY, today is the LAST day to send it...of course!
I'm running my 1st 5K in about 22 years 2 days after I turn 42...GULP!
FORTY TWO?!?!? Shut up! I can't believe I'm not typing 27...
SOAPY LOVE WINNER, not weiner!
email me your address:
Smell ya later!
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