So stinkin' tired from moving....around!

I didn't "move", I just moved...as in: around the house!  Vacation sure can take it out of a girl like me!  In the background they're talking about The Riverbank Run here in our city, it's making me want to take a nap!  I need a job people!  I worked my tootie off finishing laundry on Monday and then that was all she wrote... I have done NOTHING this week!  Well, I've chatted my face off on facebook, emailed, talked on the phone and caught up on my tv watching... Can you say slacker?  I have too much time and really am feeling the need to give back (I can hear my friend Chronicles of Chris saying "who are you kidding?"), but I'm needing a purpose besides screaming at darling to get ready for school, I mean what will I do all summer if that's my only reason to get out of bed... perhaps I'll put her in summer school so my vocal cords don't weaken!  

Happy Mother's Day Weekend!

To those of you that are mothers and to those of you that have mothers or those of you that had mothers...

I wish for you a weekend of enjoying your children, or dreaming of those to come.

A time of finding the good in your own mother or the happy memories with moms that are no longer with us!

I feel SO blessed to have this little girl in my life!

She truly has given me something I never knew I was missing before I met her!

4th of July 07

with my mom in Chicago.

My mom has "weird eyes" because I always tease her about being afraid the devil will steal her soul if she looks into the lens of a camera, so she's proving to me she CAN do it!  Looks like darling is now afraid of that!

Darling and her "GG"-Great Grandma (who will be 101 in july!!)

Yes, Darling has a broken arm in this picture...the wagon MIGHT have been going too fast in a bumpy yard- don't ask, I STILL feel bad!

South Carolina Spring Break 2008

Hanging out with some friends in their dingy...

thinking of running off with the Carni's!

Just landed in Maui (& Darling MAD that she had to wear itchy flowers!)

2 peas in a POD!

Oh little girl, do you even know how lucky you are?  I hope this picture will prove it when you're a teen and begin to wonder...

I chose to adopt, it was the best decision I EVER made.  I'm always looking to spread the word on how many wonderful children are out there looking for their Forever Family- hey, maybe THAT is my purpose?!!  IF you've ever thought about it for a second, I encourage you to step out in faith and research this wonderful experience!

If you are interested at all (or think you might be) in China I encourage you to check out the agency I used:

http://www.gwca.org/

(they have added other countries besides China, so check them out!)

The number of children that go to bed without someone to say "good night and I love you forever" breaks my heart.

So, all I'm saying is: think about it, say a prayer and see where it leads you!

Oh geesh I'm feeling all sappy, must mean I'm going to get my period!

Have a great weekend friends!!

The trip is coming to an end...

Ok, here is the last of my trip...

I hope I'm not boring you with the last few days... There are no more cracks or hairy backs, no more beaded hair or rat trap snares, no more farts or tawdry tarts...

All I know is that I have to get this posted and move on.... literally as in, move on to something else here at home!  I did NOTHING yesterday... NOTHING!  I hate days like that!  I got dressed after chatting and emailing the day away and by that time I had to go pick up darling from school.  Maybe I need a job.  Here are my requirements:

-work 2 days per week

-work from 9 am to 3 pm

-make $80,000 a year

-nothing involving prostitution or general nudity

If you hear of something that might fit the bill, let me know!  

Ok, so the last couple days were really hard work on the cruise...

water slides:

blue water:

our room was the very back of the boat this year.  last year we were at the very front, I think they moved us to the back after the Captain looked out (from the glass room where they steer the boat) to see the Mister standing on our balcony in his boxer shorts!

Lobster Dinners:

Don't I look TALL standing next to our waiter?

Good Friends:

Shakin' our $ makers:

and...

making sure we know where our Xanax is for the flight home!!

It was a GREAT trip and I'm already ready for next year!!!  We're headed to 4 of the best beaches in the WORLD!!  whoo-hoo!

Ok, I gotta shut up and do something today!!

Have a great day and WELCOME NEW FOLLOWERS!!!

Where we went and what we bought...

Our 1st stop on the cruise was

Progresso, Mexico.

I heard this wasn't the best place to walk around (Thanks to Pickles on Pizza!!) so we signed up for a private beach excursion... otherwise known as: "throw $150 away on a chilly wet day at the beach".  I took NO pictures at the resort, ate 4 small pieces of melon at the buffet, used the bathroom once (there was a sign that said "throw paper here" next to a can... I'm pretty sure that meant you weren't suppose to flush the paper- thankfully I just had to pee...Ewwww, I almost made myself gag just thinking about the alternative), laid on the beach wrapped up in thick beach towels, and sat under a pavilion while it rained!

I did get this picture on the way to the beach:

can't see it?  look below... 

see that black box at the base of the cement block?  

It's a RAT trap and they were every 25 feet!!!!!  

and you thought your job sucked!  How would you like to be the one checking the traps? 

I should have taken more pictures (i ALWAYS say that after a trip)... 

Here we are getting back on the boat:

Don't worry, he didn't hit me even though he was wearing a "wife-beater".

We got a hammock and.... 
the best find ever...

Nacho Libre!!!

IF the Mister and I had a baby:

Hahahahaha, oh, I kill me!!

Ok, on to Cozumel where we had a TON (too much?) fun!!

Hey...I just noticed the Mister's hand... watch it buddy!

Yes, the Mister is blinking in this picture, but the other picture, where his eyes were open, was a terrible picture of me and you know how I am... and WHO this blog is REALLY about!!

doesn't he have BIG...boots?!

Get your ticket to my gun show!!

Even though the Mister wouldn't buy me the $11,700 Tanzanite ring I fell in love with, he did get me some pretty silver jewelry here in Cozumel:

and beaded jewelry and...

dichroic glass jewelry!

But again, aren't the best souvenirs the least expensive ones?

My mother is SOOOOOOO proud right now!!

As we were getting back on the boat I realized I had missed a souvenir...
BRAIDS! 

I bet he couldn't keep his hands off her once they got back on the boat.....
(shiver, gag, shiver).
Goodbye Mexico, it was fun while it lasted!  I'll always remember you when I wear my Nacho Mask and my Fart T-shirt!!

Happy Cinco de Mayo

The Beautiful People...

If you haven't been on a cruise before let me show you why you need to call
CARNIVAL CRUISE
right now and book a trip...

(NO, Carnival doesn't pay me to say that, they should- don't ya think?!!).

1st up:

Fashion Whores are everywhere!

Camo viser, Hawaiian shirt, deck shoes- how appropriate!  I guess if there's anywhere you should wear deck shoes, it would be on the deck of a ship!! HA- I kill me!!

2nd:

Mullet Man!!

the LONG grey mullet accented with PURE white sneakers and his arm candy is the one suckin' down the Marlboro.
2nd:

lots of bootie!!!
Now, if you haven't grabbed your phone and called yet, let me assure you, it gets
BETTER!!
"The Hairy Man Contest"

mud flaps covered in hair = delish!
1st they sign up, then they dance down the steps in a most provocative way to the cheers of thousands!

then they pick a ladies name, get dressed in ladies clothes and try to charm a young hottie

Don't ya know this guy picked MY name...
You can't really see but this guys left boob was hanging out of his tube top... yep, just like me!
So now that you've seen all the goodness that Carnival has to offer... here's what we were doing:
The Mister was frying his right arm and shoulder while blocking out the Cha-Cha slide with his ear plugs

i was making everyone look at my sparkle rhinestone star boob

enjoying the drink-of-the-day with my rhinestone sparkle star boob

see my fancy tootsie's? My very 1st pedicure!
Hey Mel: No Asian woman, No molesting massage chair and 20 times the cost of one at home!

yes, I know I have NO baby toe nail...thankfully I live in Michigan where the flaw can hide 10 months out of the year in thick woolen socks!
Happy Tuesday... I'm still doing laundry!
Oh yeah- go wish my buddy CHRIS a very happy 20th wedding Anniversary today!
http://viewsbychris.blogspot.com/
TWENTY YEARS 1 man... go figure!

Home again, home again bumpity bump!

Yeah, that's right, I made it back- the plane didn't go down and I didn't get stuck in that oil in the Mississippi.

The Ole' Miss, The mighty Miss...

We got on the plane in our home town around 7 am

i was thrilled...clearly.

The Mister said we sat on the runway for an hour- how would I know? I took Xanex and snoozed the time away.

We flew into Cleveland and had 6 min to run to the opposite end of the airport to catch our flight to New Orleans.  The Mister thinks he's all in shape now.

The flight takes off, I'm calm, I took Xanex!

I'm in the potty washing my hands and over the speaker they announce we better sit down and buckle up because we're flying into a thunderstorm and we're probably all going to die after the plane throws us around for a while.  I'm pretty sure that's what they said, that's what I heard!

I calmly scream and run up the aisle to my seat.  I grab the hand of the stewardess and tell her I'm a freak and pretty much realize I'm going to die and could she just shoot me in the face to save me from embarrassing myself?

Next thing you know I'm in 1st class with enough leg room for Michael Jordan, snuggled under her (Barb the stewardess- who I was too traumatized to get a picture of...dang!) very own PRIVATE blankie sipping thousand dollar a glass champagne and eating baby fish eggs on golden crackers!  It was awesome and even more awesome...

I didn't die!

We got to our room at the JW Marriott in New Orleans and I took a 4 hour nap.  Drama wears me out!

New Orleans...

The King and I.

We ate delicious food (ever hear of Butter Fish?) that tore up my stomach (I'll save you the details), saw things I never want to see again (Bourbon St=cellulite booties in thongs and boobies-not nice big round plastic ones, more like the kind that look like an old knee high panty hose), went to the aquarium, met a lot of cool people (you know who you are!!), and were in a PARADE!

Yep, they totally closed down the roads for our group of 400+ and we paraded down Bourbon Street and threw beads at drunks...it was AWESOME!

On Saturday morning... Oh wait, I just checked and it was MONDAY morning that we got on the ship! I'm all screwed up...

Anyway, we loaded up on giant buses like rock stars minus the meth, and headed off to the ship!  We checked in and the next thing you know...

We were headed down the Miss... the Mighty Miss!

I'll be back tomorrow with some goodies... I took pictures just for YOU!!  You know how I love you all and even though I had my head in a bottle of run and was busy doing the electric slide, the cha-cha slide and the cupid shuffle... I thought of you!

I'm BACK!!

and so tired I can barely think straight...

1. AWESOME TIME

2. Bumpy planes do not scare me when I'm stoned on a xanex

3. drink-of-the-day is a GREAT idea

4. new friends = awesome

5. new jewelry is never bad even if the Mister would not buy me the $11,700 tanzanite ring that they were "willing to let go" for only $5, 300 (which is only $18 a day they said), the Mister said "maybe we'll see you next year after I save $18 a day.

6. staying up drinking and dancing is not as easy as it use to be...

7. I will be back Monday.

**I thought of you all and took very special chinamommy style photo's JUST for the blog**

Missed you!!

Another Oldie, but goodie!

Today's the 28th and today we're headed to Progresso, Mexico, as I type this I'm not so sure we're getting off the boat here or not... IF so, we're headed to a private beach thanks to some comments that it's not the best place to try and just walk around without being attacked by people wanting to sell me who-knows-what and braid my hair... so anyway, here's an oldie, but a goodie from way back in 1978!

 this is our family van headed out on a trip to California (from Michigan and yes, we were insane!)

Yeah Baby!

Here's my Grandpa in the white dress shirt & farmers hat- see how he's looking at the van with great pride?! His oldest son really made the family proud! Seriously, how many of his friends back in Indiana could say their sons drove a van with the name of an article of clothing printed on the side! Take that boys!

I LOVE this picture... i hardly need to say anything because as you know, a picture is worth a thousand words & isn't that the truth!! But, being who i am & all, you know i gotta say something! Let's start at the left & move to the right.... Who loves him some plaid pants? The man that is watching his dog sniff my butt, that's who!! Now Chick.... look at the poor gal, apparently we were driving to California with 3 kids, 2 grandparents, a plastic banjo & a can of shaving cream to get her A NECK! California always has been ahead of it's time with the whole plastic surgery scene. I guess our luggage was FULL because there on the indoor/outdoor carpet step (hey- we didn't want crap on that shag!) are a variety of items: the can of shaving cream, what looks like a can of pumpkin (in case Grandma wanted to whip up a pie in Vegas) & then, i swear, it looks like a mini pumpkin... maybe they were afraid we wouldn't be back before fall & didn't want us missing out on pumpkin carving?... who knows! Don't put anything past people who would buy a van that says BLUE JEANS! I just got darling daughters kids meal toy magnifying glass out & I still can't tell if that's a mini pumpkin or not.... I love how my brother & I are both dressed in a red, white & blue motif! Chick was a big fan of 1976 for several years...

As I type, i suddenly realize i'm rockin' out to FREE RIDE...TAKE IT EASY.... in my head! If it wasn't such a pain to change my music, i'd go add that, but speaking of the music.... Guess who was crackin' herself up with Conway Twitty? Tight fittin' jeans?! Oh yeah, i was a real Casey Kasem this morning! Well, i hope the wait was worth it... Isn't she all I promised & so much more? I only wish i was more of a photojournalist back then like i am now....but then again, maybe it's best those memories live only in my mind...

~Adios~

My Ovaries are a HOT TOPIC of conversation!

Last winter when i still owned the pizza shop (Oh thank God that is gone...) I was headed to my accountants with darling daughter in the car & we're running late (of course) & I've fed her nothing for breakfast (of course) & so i make a decision to head into the Burger King drive-thru so i can get a "healthy" breakfast for my darling daughter & a coffee for myself (what is it about BK coffee?? so stinkin' good- 2 creams, thank you!). I'm at the 1st booth to hand over my $ & the gal with the "oh-so-cool" headset on says "Oh is your daughter adopted?" actually she whispers the word "adopted" - this cracks me up, people whispering "adopted", it's 2008 (I told you this was an old post!) people, "adopted" isn't a secret anymore & besides, my kid is Chinese... I don't think I'm going to fool her into thinking she somehow came from my uterus, or vagina or wherever the heck babies come from... YUCK! So anyway, I say "yes, she was born in China" to which girl genius replys "China? CHINA?" (did she think perhaps i found her in Chicago in Chinatown?). I say "Yep, China, China, I went there myself to get her". Now we've known each other about 12 - 20 seconds, so we're tight & she's feeling cozy with me (i guess...) and now she says "I think that's so cool when people adopt... why did you? is something WRONG with you?"... OMG!! I am not even joking!! I wanted to say to her "you bet there's something wrong with me, when is your break & how much time do you get because this ain't gonna be a 30 second story" then i realize by "something wrong with me" she means my "woman parts". How can i blame her for being so bold, we're close, i've given her my personal order for breakfast, i've given her my $4 & we've spent to much time chatting.... Luckily for this girl I have more than a great sense of humor... & besides I never wanted to give birth so whether or not the parts south of the border work... what the hell do i care?! So... instead of making her feel like the idiot she seems to be (or is she just an extreme "people person"... you decide) I cheerfully chuckle & tell her the truth "nope, nothing wrong, I just always wanted to adopt". I drive to the 2nd window, get my coffee & my sweetie's breakfast & away we go to the accountant to find out how much in the hole we are now.... Ahhh, good times my friends, GOOD times!!

Monday and I'm headed out to sea! Headed out to Sea...howWing00tost

What dedication I have to my blog... Seriously, I am patting myself on the back, because it's Wednesday night April 21st and I'm Pre-blogging for the week!

Hmmm, am I sick, narcissistic or just this exciting?

Last year my mom freaked out (you know you did Mom!)  and thought I said I'd call in TWO days when actually I said I'd call in a FEW days... We were leaving Key West and weren't going to have cell service till we got back into US waters, or something like that.  She somehow got a poor travel agent (probably 2 days on the job and late to pick her 6 kids up from daycare) to hook her up with a web-cam on my boat and kept her eye on me the WHOLE WEEK!  So what.., I was in the hot tub drunk and naked, I'm over 21!  Ok, so that's totally an exaggeration, it was my husband!

Ok, so none of that is true, but she DID say she logged onto some boat camera.  Now if my mother tracking me down on the high seas and spying on me isn't enough to get me to undergo plastic surgery and move out of a 2,000 mile radius, I don't know what is!

All I'm sayin' is: you might want to check it out for yourself, I'm headed to Cozumel on Carnival Triumph! I promise to wave every time I see the camera's (like I don't do that all the time anyway!).

This is from last year and I hope to be doing the same thing this time this year...

but with better hair and maybe a cuter shirt...

Adios, I'm headed to Cozumel!

Tune in tomorrow for an old post you may have missed...

It's Saturday and by the time you read this...

I will be on a plane zonked out on my Xanex and not realizing how scared I am!

That's right, I'm flying down to New Orleans and should arrive around 10:30 AM!

Let's hope I don't act inappropriately...

you never know what those meds are gonna do to a small girl...