Monday, May 4, 2009

Pigs, toenails, and Bar-B-Q

My computer is BACK! Thanks to my friends darling boyfriend/super-hero! Gotta love an I/T guy in the group!! Of course while the computer was down i spent my time hyperventilating about the pig flu (doesn't pig flu sound so much cuter than swine flu? i hate that word for some reason!). I washed down my entire house with bleach, if the pig flu doesn't get us, the bleach fumes will!). When the mister got home he said "man, it smells clean in here" & i was like "that's right & don't you dare touch a thing!". i must say i'm more than a bit irritated with the *$&%$ media... they are now telling me i don't need to worry & i can get out of the fetal position!! What is up with these weirdo-sicko's? 1st they urge me to dig a bomb shelter, stock it with everything left over from my "survive a terrorist attack kit", and wash my hands till they bleed... NOW, i don't have to worry??

The poor pigs are getting a bad rap, so here are some cuties from etsy (each store name is below each piece)




Ok, here are some more bits & pieces from my cruise. Our 1st stop was Key West... why, oh why, do i live in Michigan???? The water really is that aqua color... BEAUTIFUL!
Our activity was suppose to be "The Pub Crawl", i say "suppose to be" because it didn't start till after lunch. We walked around Key West, took the trolley and then decided just to go back to the boat to grab lunch instead of going on a pub tour on an empty stomach... never a good idea. Why we thought we could get to the boat, get in line, get stir fry, and get to the activity in 1/2 hour, i'll never know... we didn't! We missed the tour totally, but... we DID get our picture taken at Hog's Breath Saloon! Ha, that's the mister with the giant set of boobs!!

The next day was spent at sea which means laying in the sun trying the drink of the day! The guy behind me is some Bar-B-Q champion, i didn't know there was such a thing, but, he's on the cir cut! He shared his BBQ rub, but wouldn't tell us anything about his TOP SECRET sauce except that it had a (and i quote) "shitload of honey" in it... how much exactly is IN a shitload? i'm not sure, i'll just stick to my "Sweet Baby Ray's".

Next stop: Grand Cayman (I'm sporting my WASSAP B? t-shirt from David and Goliath, i LOVE their T's... SO my humor!). Our ship is behind me and see the nice guy taking our picture in the bottom left of the picture?! haha!

We went to Sting Ray City, here is the mister getting a back rub from a sting ray!

and here i am HOLDING one, they feel like a rubber mat. I didn't mind holding it, but when they just darted between our legs... EWWWW, i didn't like that at all! i was also in hopes the water would be a wee bit warmer since i am someone that really doesn't like getting in unless it's like bathwater temp!

The next day we landed in Jamaica. Now, let me say... i would never, ever, ever go back here. I don't know... maybe it's that everyone is trying to sell me Bob Marley's face carved out of wood, or weed! Or, maybe it's just that it is so desperately poor and when people are desperate i do NOT feel safe!

We climbed Dunns River Falls, but after the activity they lead you down a path through a den of vipers... actually it was an area full of little shops selling who-knows-what, but to say they were aggressive is more than an understatement!!! I flew through there so fast back to the bus, i didn't even see the mister, but i thought "hey, he's a big guy, he's on his own!".

Now i have mulled this over in my mind several times because i wasn't sure i wanted to give up my SECRET, but doesn't the story win out every time? Here we are below near the bottom of this climb. Let me tell you what you do: You form a chain by holding hands with about 20 people and climb UP this waterfall/rock formation. When you start this thing it looks totally impossible, but it turned out to be pretty fun! The guy behind me totally wasn't pulling his weight though, i felt like i pulled HIM up the entire climb- i guess he didn't notice that i am the size of a 4th grader and he IS a full grown man- my huge muscle arms tricked him i guess?!! Ok, now my secret story: i decided i'd wear fake TOENAILS on the Cruise! Yes, i said TOE nails! I hate my toes (thanks mom!), i just think my toenails are ugly, even darling daughter said to me "ewww, mommy your baby toe is really ugly", thanks! So anyway, i grabbed a box of these before i left and then glued them on the night before we were to leave when i was suppose to be packing (according to the mister, he's so organized like that... whatever! i had till 4 am to be ready to go!). I'll say they look very real and come in plain and french manicure. The minute we stepped into this water, i KNEW i was in trouble- bad toenail trouble! That water was flying down the hill 100 MPH and that's when i knew, i wasn't going to make it out with out 10 toenails... It only took seconds before i felt the first PING and there she went, toe #1! Well by the time we got to the top i was missing 1 off my left foot and 3 off my right with no super glue in sight! I SO want to be super glamorous, but... it's just not in the cards for me!Honestly, i'm sick of writing about this cruise and you're probably sick of reading about it, so here are just a few more pictures.

Here we are at our 1st formal night on the cruise. Am i all JLo-licious or WHAT??!! i totally had to use double stick tape! Wait, our heads are missing? Really? haha, the guy taking the picture thought he had snapped the pic but it's one of those that double snaps to reduce red eye- hey, it worked- NO RED EYE!The next picture is of the PERFECT summer pants from Old Navy, i LOVE them! If you see me this summer I'll be sporting them with my 6 fake toenails and my WASSA B? shirt!and then this... "Hygienic Liner for Fitting Purposes- Remove for General Use after Purchase" i don't know, but that totally cracked me up! What is General Use? and do you leave it in if you aren't going to be using it for "general" use? and what is NON-general use? Ok, i'm off to meet my sinister-fake-twin-sister, my partner in crime!

Have a great day!!



zoe said...

Thnaks for the laughs, enjoy reading what you wrote really humour!!! Pig flu! seriously me and hubby really got two box of disposable face mask and we shower once step inside the house.

I must convince my man to bring me on cruise holiday! Dang!You look fabulous in bikini even your beautiful sexy outfit:*


Monique said...

"no red eye" totally cracked me up!

LillySue said...

Wow~ What an awesome cruise! The b-b-Q experts honey amount cracked me up! Yea, just how much is that? You looked so pretty! I was pointing out the size difference between you and your husband, "Kids, look at how tiny she is next to her hubby", and then you go and remark about being the size of a 4th grader, heehe! My Mom is tiny too..4'11" 98 pounds. I remember her wearing a bikini thru her middle age. She lived on coffee and cigarettes back then, no wonder she was so thin! Thank you for sharing your cruise with us!!

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