Friday, June 19, 2009

i got beat up by 2 hoes in 1 day...

Before i tell you how 2 (not 1, but 2) hoes beat me up yesterday, i must remind you to:
I'm in the "funniest" category & though i may not deserve funnIEST, i want it & am only a few thousand behind (still! come on people- get the word out!)
Yesterday darling daughter & i headed out to get the mister something for father's day because he's awesome & it IS father's day! So, if your wife stays home & you bring home the bacon, you're basically buying your own gift, but whatever...
We found some things which i can't list since he is a good & faithful reader & VOTER. There is a cool toy store at one of the malls here (i just asked darling daughter the name & she said "i dunno, learning something") with all kinds of cool educational things (she's a nerd like that). We stopped in & there it was the MUST have toy... a hoe! Hey as long as my girl never IS a hoe, i'm good! She insisted she needed it to "help dad with his garden" & if you've been reading you know the mister has a garden & a HOE! Let me just say: he's having a small affair with both & i'm fine with it, esp. when the zuc's come up- cause then i'll be having a love-fest of my own, don't get me started on my zucchini recipes!
anyway, we buy the said "baby hoe" & head home. Once we get home i grab the camera so i can get the hoe shot (give me a break she's my only child & i literally have pictures of her eating her 1st cheese sandwich- sick, i know!). Well, she is dragging this hoe behind her (& in front of ME) because we haven't had the obligatory talk about how to properly handle a hoe. i step on this thing & it FLIES up & whacks me in the knee so hard, i have an instantaneous desire to go all incredible hulk on this thing & throw it into the woods so far it will never be seen again! i'm telling you what, it HURT! i thought my knee cap was going to be laying beside me on the lawn. So after i recover & give darling a stern talking to about how to properly carry a hoe, i head to the front to continue my work of ridding the landscaped area of ugly bushes. Do you know that kid of mind acted like she was mad AT ME?? what?? just because i forced her to apologize to me... ok far be it from me to act like i wasn't all "drama-queen" about it, but seriously, i could have been in one of those old people RASCAL wheelchair things!
i head to the front yard & after a while darling comes out & don't you know she leaves that thing on the ground with the tines (i think that's what they're called) UP! i stepped on it AGAIN but this time my leopard like reflexes kicked in & i avoided another near death experience, but i did throw it with my steroid pumped up muscles into the front of the yard! have i mentioned i'm on steroid's for poison ivy?
i finish off my work out front & head back to check out my 7 roses that need planted SOON, when here comes darling AND the mister with their hoes. it was like a bad scene from one of those old time movies about the Salem Witch Trials, the only thing they aren't coming towards me with are burning torches! They're headed to the garden together-wheww, or so i think... Mister heads toward me & don't you know he let's loose of his hoe & WHACKS me in the left boob! Now my poor left boob is having a hard enough time as it's been scratched down 2-4 inches by the poison ivy that's been torturing me. So now i've been beat down by TWO hoes & am now expected to make them supper, well it's frozen pizza for these 2 & nothing else!
that was quite cathartic to tell you the story, maybe now i can quit making them both apologize to me over & over & carry me everywhere on my tufted velvet pillow.
it maybe a bit late on these father's day items, but i had to share! All of these are from etsy (duh) & the seller's shop name is below each picture:
lupin - how cute is this black beard disguise? & you can get one to match your guys hair color! she has all kinds of cool felt items, but this is a must have, don't you think?
ok, so after the whole hoe thing there is NO WAY my mister is getting this, but what man wouldn't love a slingshot from katesy?

if your man has own bathroom like mine does (thank goodness), you need to check out Householdwords for their cool toilet decals! they've even got ones you'd want in your bathroom too, i mean really, toilets are NOT pretty & those furry toilet covers do NOT fancy them up any (sorry Grandma, not even your hot pink furry one!).

Greenbriar does these amazing terrarium's- low maintenance & if your man is like mine that's what he needs so he has more time to beat you with his hoe! They have all kinds of great containers, & they'd even do well in an office with low light!

cufflinks - your place for all kinds of nerd-boy cuff links & tie tacks! totally sweet stuff! this picture also shows the jewelry their other store has, but i like how it showed a lot of his stuff! Nerdalicious!!

chpshopstore has a cool father/son or daughter t-shirt set in this cute metal tin! dress your kid like a nerd now before they have a chance to get cool!

beadworkbyamanda has a cool circuit keyring for dad! Perfect for those computer types!

babypop... what more can i say about this cape?! i know it's something that every dad has the right to wear! fart on dad, fart on!

last but not least: AVAZAVA has this cool t-shirt of chimps riding a bike & like the others- a MUST have for Dad!
Hope you have a wonderful day with your dad or significant other this Sunday! i leave you with this photo of darling daughter in the cape i made her the other day. This cape is MAGIC & turns her into a goof-ball! she is the most mature/serious kid & i LOVE to see her act like a real 5 year old, so "yes", i did let her jump off the dining room table! Don't worry, under strict adult supervision with foam padding on everything.
ok, go vote (EVERY day till July 6th!)

1 comment:

Mandie said...

Thanks for including us in your post today :)


-vinyl wall decals for Home,office & car-

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